Hello everyone!! Back after a brief pause for my surgery! I am still recovering, thus resting more, sleeping SO much more, and generally sitting around more.
I am making two posts at the same time, both about surgery. These are my thoughts after surgery, while the other is ahead of surgery, both are independent of one another so read in either order!
So on October 18th I had surgery. I’ve generally been light on the details of my surgery, not because of any special secret I am keeping, rather I simply focus on how I am doing. Also, the surgery itself is a lot, so the details can be a lot.
That’s because I had THE surgery for transgender people to have, AKA bottom surgery, and since I am a trans woman, I went from the body parts that would assign a baby as male to what would assign a baby as female. Enough said? Hold on, there’s more.
There are varieties of bottom surgery, and the one underwent is the most in depth < literally. Also, I did top surgery, which is literally the same breast augmentation procedure any woman would get. The only difference is mine was done the same morning as my bottom surgery, while under the same anesthesia.
Questions?
One question I get often is about doing both at the same time, so I will add my answer here. I am not the first person who has done both, in fact, it’s a regular procedure for KU. One benefit of doing both is recovery for the bottom is above and beyond the top in all ways; therefore, in a recovery sense, it’s two for one.
Since I was in relatively good health, I was physically prepared for surgery. I knew there would be discomfort and pain, but with my weight, physical capabilities, and daily exertion, my body would be able to handle it relatively well. Also, a blood work test was conducted, which confirmed my health beyond what we could see.
Given the lack of physical worries, my preparation was concentrated on the mental parts of surgery. While I didn’t like parts of my body, it’s what I had seen every day of my life, so I was unsure how I would adjust. Thus, even up to the day of, I stayed focused on how my new body would look.
The morning of the 18th goes very quickly, which I was warned about. I drank a bit of coffee before I had to stop drinking liquids, then it was all a blur. I remember getting IV needles in my hands, and I remember the anesthesiologist sitting to my left, with a syringe, saying she’s waiting for the green light to give me the happy juice, signifying the beginning.
Then I woke up. Sort of.
I was awake, though disoriented.
My first, and most overwhelming thought: the catheter is awful. Second thought: I am tired. I think I was in the recovery room for an hour or two; however, I slept through most of it.
I was wheeled up to my room, I assume, as I only vaguely recall bits of this. Then I get settled, where I have two friends graciously waiting for me.
As I gain coherence, which was compromised by the meds I was getting from doctors and nurses, I remember feeling my body, feeling the differences, under heavy bandages; nevertheless, I could feel my body.
It took no time to realize I was finally right.
There was no regret. Not a moment of second guessing, despite barely being able to move, knowing I was minutes into a 24 hour bed rest period. Also, starting day one of a multiple month recovery. Essentially the base of the second highest hill I could climb. The highest hill being my transition after March 9th, 2021, when I found my name.
I was happy. I could feel my happiness. Beyond the aches, soreness, and grogginess, I was elated. I could smile in my selfies, because my body was right.
I made it!
While the road to recovery is long, each day is becoming easier. Whether it’s keeping pain manageable with fewer meds, sleeping more easily for longer, walking pain free greater distances. Together, I am able to have periods that resemble a typical day.
Already, I am getting glimpses of this life with a shift in my energy, not to be confused with my energy level, which continues to rebound. Instead, the energy comes from my body matching my soul, mind, heart, just everything about the person I am on the inside.
Whether real or subjective, I sense the world reciprocates this new energy, giving off positive vibes I cannot fully articulate, though I will try. It’s as though I am seen as I should be seen, despite no one seeing the parts that have changed.
Admittedly, this could be purely my own sense of my body, which is palpably different than before surgery.
My discomforts and anxieties about my previous body have been replaced with kindness and love for my current body. Complacency towards my old body meant I was not fully aware of just how much it bothered me.
Remarkably, the adjustment period to seeing my own body was negligible. When I took my first shower after getting home from the hospital, I looked down at my body, and even then, it never looked so perfect. It’s perfect, even with the remnants of surgery, or how it’s slower to move, or gets tired more quickly.
All of it. All of what I have now. It’s perfect.
It’s perfect in that I will be able to date how I want to, which includes perhaps entering a long term relationship. While I say perhaps, the questions are more about finding someone, as opposed to whether I will search.
Speaking of, this guy was actually flirting with me the other day! Like really flirting, and I have a credible witness by the way! There was a tangible newness to the experience that I love!
It’s perfect in that I will be able to wear clothing differently. Yes, I will overwhelmingly keep wearing dresses, but there are clothes I want to wear, though previously I didn’t. Absolutely my swimsuit will be what I imagine for myself next summer! When is too soon to start thinking about that?
It’s perfect that I have new love in my life. Love for my body. Love for my life. Love for the next step in my transition.
Thank you for reading! Thank you for being here! Thank you to everyone who sent positive vibes! I believe my success in recovery is absolutely attributable to the positivity in my life!
Have a wonderful week everyone!!