Hello everyone! How have you been??
I know my posts have been lacking a bit lately. While I don’t want to make excuses, I can attribute this to several reasons, the primary of which is my book, which is out this weekend!
.Or, more precisely will be out this weekend, since I am writing this ahead of its release. If that’s an excuse, then so be it!
Link is here by the way! https://a.co/d/1p0E6QN
My emotions this past week and month have been extraordinary, while finishing up the final steps of my book. Truth be told, I was working on it up until the end, specifically small adjustments here and there.
I was making changes, later reversing those changes, then considering re-reversing those changes. Although I could continue revising into perpetuity, there comes a point when changes are made simply for the sake of making changes.
Consequently, I reached the point of calling it done this week, perfectly aligned with my self-appointed deadline. What I have is good, or great, hopefully great! You should buy it, read it, then let me know!
Before I get into my emotions for this week, I want to give context on how long I have been working on this.
In August 2022, I came up with the concept of this blog and a book, offering the world I believe is my most marketable attribute: my enthusiasm for the life I currently have. This blog provides my everyday thoughts, while a book tells of my story of reaching this point.
Then on September 2nd 2022, I spent my first day writing, during which time I envisioned this moment, despite not even a single word written on my page. Since then, I have spent countless hours writing between my blog and book, during which I developed a daily writing habit.
My first chapter was submitted to a writing group in December 2022, the response to which led me to redevelop my outline during January 2023. Through early 2023, I rewrote chapter one and what would eventually be chapter four, laying the foundation for the rest of my book.
So much work! Such rewarding work! However, now I am really nervous.
Is it enough? Am I good enough? Will anyone care?
The world will know so much about my life, leaving me vulnerable to scrutiny and criticism. For those reasons, I can be scared.
Will this be worth it?
I haven’t lost sleep necessarily, but there’s certainly a level of elevated stress evident in my life. For one, this single project has consumed so much time and effort in hopes of changing the world.
Also, the legislative attacks are ramping up across the country, including in Kansas and Missouri. While I know the long term future is positive for my community, the present is bleak. We need something positive to bring attention to how remarkable we are.
Most importantly, I have discovered something in my life, which for me includes a gender transition. I believe everyone has a transition to their best life, whether that’s their gender or not is up to them; nevertheless, you, me, everyone’s best life awaits. Imagine a world where everyone lives their best life??
I want to speak and write about this, meaning this book lays the foundation for my dream career and life. In my vision, there is no better way to achieve this goal.
However, my success at everything is contingent on the success of my book.
Why not me? This is a question I asked myself in the mirror this past week.
I want to change the world, so why can’t I?
As I asked this into my mirror, scared and nervous, I started to tear up as excitement builds. This is the same mirror I spent hours in front of during another pivotal time in my life, my transition. This is my own lesson in my own book: don’t let being scared and nervous stop you.
Why not listen to my own lesson?
Of course, this is different from my transition, as it’s not simply up to me. I need the world to read a book I wrote, which could be awful. While I don’t think it is, and the feedback I’ve received has been positive, the reality is, this can go nowhere.
How many people write books that no one ever reads? Why not me?
I am scared. It’s not even the time I put in, rather I am putting myself out there, facing rejection, not just of my book, but my career and aspirations. Remember how I want to change the world? Does a book no one reads change the world?
Of course not! How embarrassing!
While the roller coaster of emotions continues, I stay focused on those items I can affect, such as updating my website, writing this and a press release, and planning out my week. I want to host an event of sorts, so spend time planning for that.
In other words, I will keep going, scared or not.
I will let my emotions happen, give them space they need, find the source if they become problematic, such as this discussion above.
What else could I do?
It’s a wild ride for sure, but that’s life. No other place I would rather be than right here, brainstorming how to market my book. My book!
No person I would rather be than this person writing this, reaching you, hopefully sharing my gift I can offer the world: inspiration to be yourself. It’s truly magical!
Time to go back to it! Have a fantastic day!!