Benchmarks
Hello again! Last weekend of June! That sure went by quickly, didn’t it? How was your week and month?
As June comes to a close, we are near the apex of our calendar year, when the downhill slide to next New Year’s Day is closer than our climb up from the last one. If you asked me in January what I would be doing for this post, I would have almost certainly said a mid year goal check-in. I likely would describe how my goals codified last July into tangible objectives.
However, that was last year, and kind of boring.
Regardless of the calendar, I am still figuring out myself, which remains invigorating. As you know, I am not shy, so after one of my many public deals, I received an introductory message from a trans woman who hasn’t socially transitioned yet. She wanted to connect, and of course I was so ecstatic to do so! During that conversation, I asked about her plans for social transitioning, which led me to confess how fun those early days were.
I admitted to her and myself, I kind of miss it.
Yes, I love introducing myself as Hazel every chance I get, but telling someone I knew as deadname that I am NOW Hazel evokes a joy I cannot express. Or really feel again.
Those I meet now see the metamorphosed butterfly I’ve become without the context of where I began. Unless of course, this ignores how this butterfly known as Hazel continues to evolve.
Last week, I wrote about how the previous year was eventful essentially from pretty minor occurrences I happened to encounter. On the other hand, this post relates to the intentionality of the progress I strive for in my life.
For one, the calendar is approaching two years since I began using Hazel in certain public situations. In fact, it was a trip to Sephora for makeup on July seventh, when I signed up for the rewards program as Hazel! I was actually kind of nervous!! Really, me…nervous!!
Trans women reading this are likely giggling, as this trip to Sephora is a right of passage for many!
Despite the nostalgia of early transitioning, I am so excited about where I am in my life, since I am building upon parts of me I love, which in turn I love, then building upon that. Finding my name was finding a ladder to my life and dreams, ascending to heights I never could conceive previously.
While this feels like a dream come true, I perpetually strive for more.
Most recently, my dreams have incorporated new aspects in response to the anti trans legislation in my state. For perspective, not long ago, I was considering a trip to Colorado this summer to scope out potential living situations in a state that is safer for the trans community; however, that trip never came to fruition.
Instead, this week, I actually have three speaking engagements, while endlessly building for future speaking opportunities, while also pushing forward on my book and this blog. Additionally, I am organizing with several local groups, mostly queer-focused, striving for creating change I want.
I love it!
Recently, I realized just how far I’ve come, particularly when I was catching up with some friends whom I haven’t seen in a couple months. As I distilled these last several months into one conversation, I understood how much my outlook and dreams have changed. Then as I shifted to the future, it clicked: I am not done by any stretch.
Where I am now is only this current benchmark, whereas the next one starts to materialize. I love where I am, while I love where I am going!
The concept of my benchmark is just that: my benchmark. For the first time in my life, I am not measuring myself against anyone else’s ideas for what success is.
Candidly, I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks I should be doing!
I already wasted too much of my life trying to convince others I am successful. Many people are unaware of my seemingly impressive career by my mid-30s, having a title most people will never reach in their lifetime. I could probably do it again at my current company, though, that feels like a waste of my life, as that is not my measure of success.
Alternatively, I am writing my own definition of success, then setting my own benchmarks for reaching it!
Again, I love it!
I love the freedom to define my own success. For example, I mention my book often, even when I am unable to get the words down I should. On a recent walk with a friend, she asked what if I never get published, which is admittedly a real concern of mine. How embarrassing if my book never gets read by anyone, right??
Wrong! Instead of embarrassment, I had two varying thoughts:
First, my book is part of an idea, a concept or dream, if you will. My book doesn’t define my success, my life does.
Secondly, I refuse to fail. As long as my book is unpublished, it remains a work in progress. As with success, we write our own definition of failure, and for me, giving up is failure.
I will never give up, thus I will never fail. Again, I love it!
While I hope to inspire, I do not think there is anything remarkably special about what I am doing. On the contrary, what I am doing fits me, particularly my skills and passions. I thrive on being in front of a crowd, meeting new people, and being the person others look to for direction. Thankfully, that’s not for everyone! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be needed!
Instead, I encourage all to find your next benchmark, specifically the one for you!! Please do not use others for your benchmark, such as family or career, unless that’s truly what you want.
Let’s normalize disappointing others for the sake of ourselves. Their disappointment is their issue, not yours. Let’s face it, we cannot please everyone, so we will inevitably leave someone disappointed.
I urge you to never disappoint yourself!
Writing this blog has been amazing! The unquantifiable impact is evident directly through those who read and respond, and indirectly in how it’s shaped my life. I doubt my life is this incredible without it!
Find your dreams! Today!
Like right now!
Go be what you love!
.Thanks again! Have a wonderful week!!!