Hello again! It’s mid-August! I am back to my written posts!!
Apologies for the brief hiatus, as my life continues to take me into unbelievable places, which will likely take who knows how long to unwind. While I am more than two years post transition, I continue to uncover qualities of myself I truly love. Further, it’s rewarding to share this growth in hopes others can benefit for themselves.
I have grown into this level of comfort to share as much about my life as I have, mostly through seeing positivity flourish around me, and I am tickled to say, through me. I love it so much when I hear that feedback!
As I think about these last several months, beginning with devastation, I have difficulty reconciling how I reached this point. I can logically determine when it happened based on my memories, notes, and videos I made, so that part is easy.
Instead, my challenge is understanding how I, as this person, who struggled nearly her entire life with anxiety, confidence, identity, and everything else, has made it here, writing this, while happily alone* on a Friday night. I struggle to fully grasp this story, despite committing many hours, and tens of thousands of steps.
*more on that later
Despite knowing this moment here and now is reality, I cannot believe this is real. I not only survived a trying time in my life, I came out of it stronger.
I am sure most people have seen the inspirational memes encouraging us to draw from past adversity we’ve overcome, helping us to face our current problem. Of course, I enjoy positivity everywhere; however, I interpret these messages in a more nuanced way.
For my year specifically, my adversity is the result of hateful people trying to end my existence, so contorting that into a positive message absolves the responsibility of the perpetrators. If those causing my pain focused on beneficial endeavors, I wouldn’t have to fight so hard.
On the other hand, I found the strength to push back, in fact, so much so, I am raising this fight to the forefront of my life’s goals.
Another theme of the overcoming adversity message is the obstacle was considered formidable when it was first presented. I am not shy about how I planned to move out of Kansas, since the state felt too dangerous for me. In other words, the anti trans laws, along with the anti trans rhetoric, was beyond my limit, at least at the onset.
Framing this challenge as a limit within myself, preferably reframes the discussion to my response, rather than outside stimulus causing the problems. Inevitably, we will face hardships from endless places, whether good, bad, or indifferent, yet it’s ultimately our response that dictates the outcome.
Beyond our response though, we have changed. The limit we previously believed was real no longer exists, so we deserve credit for not just facing a tough problem; rather, we conquered something within ourselves as well!
Going back to the overcoming adversity message mentioned earlier; specifically, when looking within ourselves, we are less likely to stumble at anything that feels less daunting. In other words, there’s a relativity to it.
For example, how many times has the next problem felt easier, because we made it through the last one? This is not confined to life-changing situations, rather any situation we are scared, anxious, apprehensive, or any self-defeating feeling.
While I have been in the media, given speeches, and spoken on panels, this weekend I am doing something that makes me more nervous than any of those, yet most of you would likely think nothing of it. I actually have a date!! Like a real date, not one of those ‘is this a date’ thing.
In fact, as I am writing this exact line, I am about 20-30 minutes away from getting ready! Why did my stomach just tighten?
*a bit more
I have no idea what will happen between me and this person; nevertheless, I am confident in my ability to push through my nerves, have fun, and allow the feelings to come to me. Meanwhile, I will enjoy the experience while it lasts! Who knows, maybe there will be additional dates in the future?
Regardless of what occurs, I will take this experience, increase the limits I believe for myself, on my way to whatever happens in the future. No one can ever take that! Maybe, there will be a day I can roll into a first date as easily as I can roll into a panel, which ironically I did earlier this week to help a dear friend last minute.
All of these were new to me at one point, yet I have raised my limit, so I can take on the next challenge.
This is where I ask you to think back to adversity that pushed up against one of your limits, whether that’s something big or small. Remember, I am more nervous about a first date than public speaking!
Was there something at work? Possibly a huge project or important deal
What about a hobby? Or something with your family? Neighbors? Club? Politics are big in my life, so perhaps that?
The situation is less important than how you felt, both before and after. Consider the thoughts rolling through your mind as the situation towered in front of you, so be there and feel the anxiety again.
Next, go to the moment after accomplishing your objective, when disbelief was your predominant feeling. Inevitably, there was a shift to a prideful sense of accomplishment, deservedly a feeling to enjoy as long as possible.
I encourage everyone to connect those two; therefore, the next time you stare down a situation that seems overwhelming, you can unlock the feelings within you that serve as your reminder that you are fully capable of coming out on top!
I know you can do it!! Before I get ready for my date, thank you again for reading!! When I began last October, I was so nervous after each post.
*even more
While I still get some nerves, I can convert those to positive thoughts, based on feedback or simply knowing the worst possible outcome will not occur. I love this feeling!!
Have a wonderful week!!
By the way, adding this post date: it went really well! If he’s reading this, I hope it’s okay I mentioned it! Also, I’m interested in a second date!!!
*all for this week
He has read it. He also wants another date.