Hello! Welcome to the next phase in my mission!! I truly hope this makes a difference!!
Whether I was ready or not, my life shifted in April, which has me evaluating my purpose with this life, which I truly worry could be cut short simply because of who I am. After waiting nearly four decades to find my true self, I am watching it potentially slip away; therefore, I am doing what I know best: writing, in hopes to make a better place for my wonderful community.
Thus, without further adieu, my shift is the creation of a third pillar, which I am calling Enthusiastically Us!
It’s a more practical application for my passions and skills, as I make trans experience more accessible or at least expand understanding while living alongside us, building a safer world.
First, I will add vocabulary throughout my posts, rather than take for granted that people just know. I often forget terminology that is ubiquitous in trans conversations is less known to cis people, which brings me to cis:
Cis is basically someone who is not trans. Until only recently, like literally moments ago, I did not know the origin. It turns out, cis and trans have Latin roots….why am I not surprised? If you want to know more, look it up, but for my purposes, and generally overall, cis means not trans, and trans means not cis.
Deliberately, I will avoid the word ‘opposite’ as this implies a binary, and possibly contentiously us versus them, hence peaceful simplicity.
Second, we have heard ‘in the closet’ as prior to when a person comes out; however, trans people tend to use a different phrase, which is ‘egg’. Then as we are discovering who we are, which is indeed a journey covering months or years, we refer to this as our egg cracking, then hatching once we finally present as our true self.
Personally, I like this concept, as it defines who we are as constant, always, and forever, just like the pre-hatched egg; rather than relative to when you specifically found out. In other words, I am always transgender, even before I asked you to call me Hazel. At that point, you were lucky enough to know the real me! .
My transition is the process through which I shift to a more accurate version of me. For most of us, our discovery and journey is very personal, while our transition is public. Social transitioning is using our correct name, pronouns, and social spaces; while medical transitioning can be hormones or puberty blockers for kids, while some people may opt for surgery.
Please note: being transgender is being transgender, irrespective of one’s transition
Also note: gender affirming care is therapy and respecting names and pronouns. Bans make these inaccessible. Proponents of the law say they are protecting kids from surgery, which is NOT HAPPENING!
Egg cracking and transitioning are two distinct processes, so confusing these as one can cause unintended negativity. For example, my egg started to crack in late 2018, details I will save for my book; however, it was more than two years later when I actually began transitioning.
Obviously, I was working through so much, in fact, that span covers two-thirds of my book. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve done, though easily my most rewarding!!
I start with these two concepts to lead into the crux of my first Enthusiastically Us post, which is about the initial response to learning someone you know is transitioning. Your response can literally ruin a very important moment in a loved one’s life; nevertheless, you can be prepared!
My suggestion is to tell yourself, This is New to Me! As you can see above, it’s hardly new to us, other than I am finally ready to bring you in! Please understand, we know who we are, despite feeling new to you.
Implicit in this concept is acceptance, which is critical. Additionally, it’s acknowledging humility that full understanding is not a prerequisite for acceptance. Reality is, cis people probably will never understand the trans experience, so the sooner we can move past that hurdle, the better.
Beyond this mindset, I have practical suggestions, based on actual experience with my transition, or conversations with cis people about other trans people in their life. Yes, these are real!
First, do not vocalize your doubts, which I cannot reiterate enough! I use my story above to illustrate that I was actively thinking about it for years before I said my name. YEARS!! This does not account for three decades of questions; rather, these were active thoughts about my gender identity and expression.
Consequently, a cis person doubting me, simply hurts, and no justification can provide relief. Please note, it’s your responsibility to manage your doubts, not ours.
Furthermore, pre-emptive apologizing for mistakes is essentially making those mistakes, so please avoid it. Here’s what I mean:
For most people, my transition was: “hey, I am going by Hazel now, using she/her pronouns.” These were neighbors, parents at school, coworkers, so mostly people not requiring much explanation, but I wanted them to know.
Repeatedly, people said how hard it would be for them, adding apologies for missteps saying my deadname* By excusing a future mistake, I infer you worry more about your reaction than my actual identity.
Deadname: the name we used to go by. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance, ever, is it permissible to use this name. Absolutely never.
Clear?
Here’s a little secret: I know you might make a mistake, so it can go without saying.
Funny thing, I actually misgendered myself! Unwinding our brains after so many years takes time, for which you have grace! Approaching us with your best effort, love, and support is our expectation, rather than immediate perfect adherence.
My suggestion: Be excited! Be happy! Be positive! Recognize we are finally free to be ourselves!
I hope this is helpful! I am truly excited for what this message can do, as I am learning my most powerful discourse is real, personal stories.
Lastly, I am happy to be excited again!! While I am not fully over what happened with Kansas, I am working on a solution!
Have a wonderful week!!
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