First, if you follow me on the Instragram or Facebook, THANK YOU! Also, you should have seen a special mid-week clip! If you don’t follow me, please do! The clip is still out there, so go watch!
The genesis of the video was questions prompted by this post while I was on a walk. If you haven’t realized, I often walk when I want to think or do I think when I want to walk? Either way, it’s a great way to hit two goals!
As usual, I was contemplating this writing endeavor I’ve embarked upon, and specifically the feelings that emerge after I put myself out there. At times, it can feel like an emotional roller coaster, on which my thoughts oscillate between wild success (television interviews and red carpets) and utter failure (requiring a move to a remote island, though no chance I change my name). However, I know reality is between these two extremes for most people in most situations, including myself here and now.
On one side is failure, which can make us feel inadequate, can be embarrassing, or is simply uncomfortable, which are understandably consequences to fear. These could be completely internalized, but how often do we wonder what others think about us? Okay, maybe not what everybody thinks, but certainly some people’s opinions are meaningful to you.
For example, think about catching up with friends and family over the upcoming holidays, when someone brings up that idea you gushed about the previous year, which perhaps did not materialize how you imagined. While their question comes from genuine curiosity, it’s difficult to not assume they are judging, right? It could be enough reason to skip out on the next several gatherings, or better yet that remote island in the Caribbean appears lovely on this frigid day! The temperature outside is literally below freezing right now, but I am kidding about leaving the country.
On one side is failure, which can make us feel inadequate, can be embarrassing, or is simply uncomfortable, which are understandably consequences to fear. These could be completely internalized, but how often do we wonder what others think about us? Okay, maybe not what everybody thinks, but certainly some people’s opinions are meaningful to you.
I have played this scenario out in my head plenty of times, so I want to walk through it.
My idea: telling my story through the book I am writing and inspiring others to fulfill their dreams through this blog, social media, and perhaps more.
First step, define what failure is for me? I already know my readership is low, but I understand this is where I have to begin. I am very thankful for everyone who is reading this!! Plus, this blog is not my specific end goal, rather this is part of a bigger venture that I can reshape to reach my goals. The financial costs are low, because I can adapt to what is available for free. More realistically in my situation, my time and effort are the biggest costs to reaching my goals.
So again I ask myself, what is failure for me? Quit trying? BUT, is giving up the same as failing? I contend no; instead the fear of success is a more appropriate description for giving up before even trying.
Again back to my situation, I have a pretty aggressive timeline for my book, but I still added the responsibility of this blog to it. In recent months, I have spent more Friday nights at home working on my book or blog than I have doing anything else, which sadly includes dates. I have writing groups and writer friends I did not have before. Finally, my writing comes up often, because I believe in it and really want to help others.
In short, I have changed, but this change excites me, unlike any other idea I had (and given up on) before. At some point I decided this was the next phase of my transition, seeing myself as a writer, and I really love this thought. In fact, there was a Friday in September I took off from my day job to write, and it was such an amazing feeling that I want to experience it forever.
I have no doubts you have an idea you want to pursue, so what is it? If you are not pursuing it, what stops you? Be honest, dig deep, and even consider writing about it Is it possible that fearing success is the bigger hurdle you have to overcome?
As a summary, I put this little comparison of my thoughts on the two:
Fear of Failure
Embarrassment
Inadequacy
Uncomfortable perception of judgment
Fear of Success
Change
Responsibilities
Uncomfortable perception of judgment
Either can hinder us, but in such different ways. I think of failure more likely coming from external sources; such as, poor market, lack of funds, or a global pandemic. Instead, fear of success is within us. We stare our dream in the face, then make excuses about why we cannot reach those dreams.
I believe we all have the ability to reach our greatest heights, as long as we believe we can and know we deserve it. You are amazing and worthy of excellence! In the coming weeks, I will start a goal setting workshop, so be thinking about these dreams, large or small!